There is a tree which sits outside my restaurant at the back.
I think its a gum tree, it stands there, tall. It looks like Broccoli.
There's a feeling you feel where you just stare and something and think about it truly, madly deeply. You can stare at it forever, not because you are interested in it, but because it is interested in you. I stare at it with a tilted head, i don't even blink, it just stands there swaying with the breeze. Cockatoo's fly past and screech as they unite with the flock. I can hear the leaves from the highest branch rustle.. it soothes me, gives me goosebumps.
The tree.
Will it be there when we grow up? will it be there when we have our own children? Will it be there to see our triumphs and failures? Will it be there when my body returns to the earth?
I looked at the tree every weekend, for 13 years. Some days more than others. Because my relationship with it is unique. It talks to me, it calls me, it asks me to listen. I'm hypnotized once more as the sun illuminates the tree beauty. Its not longer green, but golden.
I remember sitting there on the steps which lead to the apartment above the shop, staring at it. Every year i would feel the dry summer wind, mixed with the stench of raindrops on bitumen. I can hear my dad tossing the wok, and the bell being rang.
As i ate my dinner, i looked down into kitchen........ will it last forever?
Is there more to life than just the mundane.
There must be
Today only half the tree remains, is it an omen? I dont think so at all.
But i still smell the bitumen, it reminds me of where i came from, what we have done, and it reminds me of where i want to go.
After Dinner i would go to the store room, in the shop, where i could faintly hear the 80 or so guests enjoy their dinner. I wrapped my self in a make shift bed, a stack of table cloths for a doona and some tea towels for a place to rest my head. I can feel the heat from the fridge, wafting up and releasing a metallic odour into the tiny, room.
Iam then awoken by my dad, he says its time to go home. I can feel how dry his skin is, and how oily his shirt is, the stench of sweat consumes me when i sit in the car. I rub my eyes as the bright lights of the head lamps reflect off the back of the shop. My dad asks me if i want some food?
We are at the local caltex, im eating a hot dog and a squishee. My dad and i sharing both, we take turns in sipping and biting. We stand staring into the night sky, the cool breeze was a great contrast to the burning flames of the wok. Both both stand cross legged leaning on the 1986 mitsubishi station wagon. He pats me on my head and asks me if im still hungry? "Im full thanks dad." The truth was, that i was never hungry. I just wanted to lean there with my dad in the cool breeze. Its one of those things which bring you inner peace, just looking at the stars and the night sky. I felt so safe, like nothing could take the moment away, i love the cool night, i really do.
I pretend to be asleep, in the back of the car. When we reach home, my dad carry's me to my bed in his arms. Just before, he rests me down, he takes off my sandals. At his point i try to keep my eyes shut, but he knows im still awake. "Good night Kavin." Dont forget to brush your teeth when you wake up tomorrow.
The bitumen, the rain and the heat, and my tree, they produce memories, memories which i still make today.
This is it. There's none of it left. I cant kill it, i can destroy it and i can do anything about it. The piano rings in the background. I just wanna break free, i wanna just go away from this place and do what i want when ever i want. Its hurting me and my universe... I just gotta let it go. The scream, it never ends, it screams when i look into the mirror, it screams when i look into her eyes. It never ends, the drums beat faster.... and eventually i explode.
I just want it to end, when i look at you i go crazy, i just wanna go on a journey with you forever beyond the gates of heaven. I cant do anything about it, and thats what makes it hurt. Im fixated, my eyes are dilated, you are what he created. So perfect but so impossibly hard to reach, the forbidden apple on the apple tree....i'm not allowed to eat, i'm not allowed to touch, i'm not allowed to taste. I m stuck, im confined... i cant move, you are the key to the lock, you can set me free.
Today was like any other day, same old same old. I met SC today for the first time which was sooo good!! She was so happy, jumping around like bunny rabbit hahaha :)
I bought my ticket for dent ball today, I gave my money to AK to give to YK. Hope he gives me my 10 dollars change and dosen't go spend it on a 150 gig hard Oral-B hard drive. The dent ball will be really cool, its at Burswood which means the Cas. I plan to win this time and make up my $5 loss from before. I swear they trick people by putting really hot Asian girls at the roulette tables, which I noticed attracted large numbers of 60+ year old Caucasian men. GM rekons the Casino sprays endorphins into the air conditioning so that you are more happy and spend more money, which in the case of TG would make alot of sense..... Perfect Pairs.
I went to the anatomy lab today, which was really helpful. I liked SB idea of doing our own questions so that we can practice our own knowledge and help other people in the process. SR lent a helping hand today with the ribs which I really appreciated. She reminded me of the time where we were at Warwick train station waiting to get picked up by BJ, and having this half stoned half drunk dude calling me an afro head. She reminded us of the invite he gave us to Kwinana on Boxing day, which literally made my day bahahahaha. "We ask for Bruce."
Went to have lunch with JF later, which was really nice. We had a really good chat about how we've been lately. I enjoyed the Gazleme we had at Broadway. He got me some Russian Vodka which TI wasnt happy about. He made rips on JF but I laughed it off.
EI's growing up really fast, shes now playing more, touching more and becoming more and more annoying. Everyime she rocks up to my room, she literally wants to touch, poke, break and snap everything she can get her hands on. So usually I give her wedgie and runs to NK. It works a charm (Evil Laugh)
I really want to get to know more people in my year. Get close to them. Not just say "hi," everytime we walk past each other in the guild tunnel. Its gonna take time, we have 6 years.
JB is screaming some very queer noises on skype at the moment... its quite Galahish
I whooped JH's ass in slime soccer today, well not whooped but just won hahaha it was awesome. Damn JB ate all my savoury shapes, the little Judas. He mentioned a super hot asian/white girl in the Reid Carpark... he really wanted her number, hahahahaha.
ET looked really cool today, her contact lenses look cooler and cooler by the day. I also really liked JL lacoste shoes, the crocodile is awesome!
Yes I had to re-attempt the process of chucking a bog, and this time I suceeded. Take a look at the exquisite, delicate and professional placement. Notice the lack of grey circles on the paper itself, and how the papers tessellate.
Ok its really late and i've procrastinated NS study. I found a tonne of Junk Mail on the kitchen bench which made my night. Im gonna go peruse the catalouges.
Today was seemed like a good day on the outside, but on the inside I had a tonne of thoughts flowing through my mind.
The day started of good, Josh, Eva and I studying together at the bottom of Reid. It was really productive ( I think, bahaha) got all the lab work done with the help of the handy flash cards we bought yesterday.
I went to the basketball courts to meet up with my best friend for lunch, but didnt end up going with him/her. I wasnt really sure about going, as i knew i've had a lot of problems with my group of friends from school. I didn't like the way some of them bagged Josh and told me to "f**k him." It made me really sad that some of my best friends would say that about a new friend I made, they doesn't even know who Josh is, all the good things hes done for me, all the times we've talked about deep and meaningful things on skype and all the times we've helped each other study, they don't know the real Josh.(I'm Listening to "here without you," by 3 doors down at the moment so I might sound a bit emotional) Next what upset me most was I finally realised that my Hale friends thought of me as some sort of puppet to Josh, following him, trying to be in the cool crowd, trying to fit in, just going to SMA and our Tuesday group meetings as his pawn. It's not right.
I learnt today they think I only started following Christ just so I can become closer to Josh. This hurt me the most, like putting salt into a wound, I couldn't believe they would ever think that I would use God as a "tool," to make new friends. Its just a really Shit bloke thing to think. Whats worse is that I was patient, throughout the years of high school. I let my best friend have other best friends, I didn't mind as long as he/she was happy. He/she was spending more and more time with people other than me. Sleeping over other friends houses every weekend to study and game, road trips up north, weddings and trips to eastern Australia. I'm not complaining, but I don't know why he/she cant be tolerant for me as I was tolerant for them. I'm meeting new and wonderful people in SMA and in our Tuesday 1pm Sessions, a group of really loving people who share the same values and ideas. It just hurts me so much that he/she doesn't understand this, he/she cant see or experience it. I will pray for that person.
I then went and had lunch with Gautam at Chilliz, (after getting a new student card, which costed me $15!!! which has a retarded picture of me :P) lunch was really good, we had a good catchup sesh where I kinda vented. I ordered BBQ chicken + CHILLI SAUCE and a curry puff. I cracked the curry puff and poured the filling into the box and mixed it with the rice and chicken.... yummy ^-^ hahaha and ate the pastry by itself at the end. It was awesome.
I then rushed back to the sewerage blocks infront of physiology where we discussed prayer and faith. This week Josh led the group, I was suprised with the people who came this week.Josh, Ditza, Vernice, Justin and Chris are the regulars, but this week we had new editions Eva, Melinda, Aaron and Bryan which made the group a bit more interactive which was good!! I enjoyed the story of the Tight Rope walker. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ What is TRUE faith?
The Tight Rope Walker
There was a tightrope walker who said he could walk the tightrope with a balance beam. He asked people if they believed he could do it? Everyone said he couldn't.
He Walked the Rope
Next he said he would walk without the balance beam, and do it blindfolded. He asked them, Who thinks I can do it? Everyone said nope he can't.
He walked the rope
Next said he would ride across the tightrope on a bike. He asked them who thinks i can do it? No one said he could.
He rode the rope.
Next said he would walk across the rope with a car balanced on his head, now the people were unsure about if he could do it, he could do all the other crazy stuff before...... so some people believed in him, so half and half said yes and no.
He walked the rope.
Next he said I'm going to walk along the tightrope while doing a hand stand. Now everyone thought he could do it, everyone raised thier hands saying yes! he can do it, because he could do everything before right?
He hand stand'ed across the rope
Finally he asked the people, for his final act if he could balance a person on his head and walk blindfolded across the rope. The all said put up thier hands in agreement. "This guy can do anything! We have faith in you!" The man then ask for volunteers from the crowd, to be the one who he would balance. Everyone put thier hands down. No one volunteered.
I like the story because it shows what faith really is. Faith that no matter what, you trust and believe in another person, you believe them no matter the risk, no matter the consequences. The people in the story thought he could do anything, but they lacked faith, they wouldn't risk thier own lives.
You can allways have faith in God. You can place his life in his hands
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" - Jeremiah 29:11
After the meeting, I went to the lecture in the Physics building. I joked around with Justin by shoving him into (unamed person's) direction, which i feel really bad about because I think I embarrassed him. Sorry Justin.. it was just pay back for what u said to Joanna last Thursday (Surname of Joanna not specified).
For some reason I was awake the whole time, which is something really weird because I allways either fall asleep or cant concentrate because Im busting to go to the toilet. I used my coloured pens which my student gave me as a gift which was really nice! Av and TJ used them. Eva left early because she couldn't see or hear the lecturer... Silly Child hahaha.
On the train back home, me and Joanna had an awesome chat. I accidentally bagged Warwick out loud, which I hope no one heard. She told me of her exchange in India in November, which sounds like awesome fun. I wish her good luck ^-^!!!
I contemplated eating some waffles, as it was half price waffles Tuesday, but decided not to. I avoided temptation..... for this week bahaha.
Im trying really hard to stop swearing now, haha hopefully I shall never say a curse word in my life again!! It really easy if you hang with people who don't do it too :)
So now I come to the end of my blog post. It took me an hour but it was worth it. Im not upset any more after writing down my thoughts. I swear it's the music im listening to.
I've fallen in love with this song by the Jackson 5. You might of heard it before, its one of my favourites. Its called "I'll be there."
Here is the song.
Allright time to study NS and chat to my peacock loving pal :P
Im talking to Justin now on skype video chat and he reminds me of a beautiful Galah, the feathers at the top remind me of his hair.
Exams are soon -sadface-
Something really bad happened to me today.
Well, i went to the toilet and i carefully laid tissue paper on the seat because i had to chuck a bog. This took me quite some time, so that every piece of visible plastic of the seat was covered. This includes the rim which is connected to the lid, which is very good at collecting random sprays of urine. In this particular situation, the previous patrons urine was inconsiderately dispersed all over the seat, which for my convenience made it easier for me to lay each square of tissue paper as the urine helped the paper adhere with the seat.
I was Set
I proceeded to sit onto the toilet, but to my dismay my large bottom created somewhat of a gust of wind which blew off each delicately placed tissue paper. This i did not see. I sat down and felt a sensational stinging pain in my bottom, it happened again....
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I studied today, with Joshua and Eva, it was fun! I like the way they speak Chinese but I don't really understand, except for some words like siao which means crazy in Hokkien, i remember that becuase my mum called me that!
This is the end of my first post, I've probably lost all the readers now, which is quite saddening
